TinyActionTV Episode #27: The Secret to Going from Self-hate to Self-love

Self love. Self love. Self love.

How many times have you heard people talk about self love? And you think: "uh, yeah, looking in the mirror and saying 'I love you' is not gonna do it for me."

I know that people struggling with out-of-control eating issues look at that concept of self love, and think "how could I possibly love myself? I'm doing all these behaviors that show how much I don't care about myself, that show how awful I am."

I don't think you're awful. I just think you're stuck in behavioral patterning, but I know the thinking, because I have been there myself.

Going from a place of self hatred to self love is not easy.

There are some stops to make along the way before you can get to self love. 

One of the most powerful ones that I know is acceptance.

Acceptance. What does that really mean?

It is super understandable to think: "how can I possibly accept these crazy behaviors? How can I accept that it's okay to be binging in this way?"

I want to give you a mental shift on the concept of acceptance: acceptance does not equal approval.

You can accept something without approving of it.

If you aren't in acceptance of something that has already happened, then it is something that you can't change. 

So if you aren’t accepting the truth of it, then you're creating more suffering for yourself by being in resistance to it.  You create more suffering by beating yourself up about it, and being in the guilt and shame cycle about it.

Instead, what I wanna support you to do, is to shift your focus from being in resistance to what already has happened, to being in acceptance of it.

Accept the fact that you binged.

Accept the fact that your body is how it is right now.

It doesn't mean it won't ever change, it just means that you're accepting what is, in this moment.

If you're not accepting what is in this moment, then you're just creating more suffering for yourself.

For your tiny action for today: the next time you notice yourself in the mental cycle of, "oh my God, I can't believe that my thighs look like this," or, "oh my God, I'm just so awful that I ate all that food." That instead, you take a moment, and you say, "well, it is as it is."

It doesn't mean you're approving of the fact that you look the way you do, or that you behaved the way you behaved, but it is at least accepting that it is.

That is an important step on the journey to self love, and the journey to letting go of these behaviors that are driving you so crazy.

Just remember: Acceptance does not equal approval.

TinyActionTV Episode #26: How Your Thoughts Affect Your Eating And What To Do About It

If you're struggling with out of control eating issues, then I bet that what you're thinking is: “Ugh if only I could control my eating. If I only I could not eat the food."

It's an understandable desire to not eat the food.

But I don't think that it's the food that's actually the problem. I think it's actually the symptom.

If you trace it farther back, what it actually comes down to is our thoughts.

It's the little thoughts that are running through your mind all the time that lead you to the food behaviors that you want to stop. 

If you're having self-judging thoughts-- if you're having thoughts of guilt and of shame, and general negativity in your thought patterning, then it's really simple to go from those thoughts straight to the bottom of the chip bag.

If you want to get away from the eating behaviors, it's time to start looking at how you're thinking, and to learn some powerful tools about how to choose your thoughts.

Your tiny action for today is to decide what is that negative thought patterning that you get stuck in all the time — on that hamster wheel of your thoughts.

Maybe it's self judgment about your body, maybe it is the stress of your husband, maybe it is what the boss is saying, maybe it's your kids.

But decide what that is for you and then decide to start to bring more and more awareness to the moments when your thought patterns are going there.

Then say this to yourself each time you notice you are thinking about that negative thought: “Oh, there I go thinking about that again.”

Then, re-direct your mind on to something else. I suggest that you then choose to redirect on to something that you're feeling grateful for.

Recap: you notice that you're having that negative thought, you go, "oh, there I am doing that again." Give yourself a little smile and think about something you're feeling grateful for.

The more times you catch yourself doing that, the more times you are actively choosing your thoughts.

When you can choose your thoughts, you can choose your actions, and you can let go of the out of control eating behaviors.

TinyActionTV Episode #25: One Secret to Escape Black and White Thinking

"A paradox is a statement that, despite apparently sound reasoning from true premises, leads to a self-contradictory or a logically unacceptable conclusion. A paradox involves contradictory yet interrelated elements that exist simultaneously and persist over time.” - Wikipedia

If you are struggling with out of control eating issues, then my guess is that you are living in a black and white reality,  where things are either good or bad.

You had great success or you were awful.

You feel excellent or you're judging yourself and you feel really guilty.

Where you are dieting and restricting, or where you are off the deep end, eating everything in the house.

Does that sound about right?

Well if that's you, then I can guarantee that you want to get off the pendulum swing.

It is not fun to be swinging between those two extremes.

I bet you want to learn how to live in the gray.

An essential component of being able to live in the gray is being able to accept exactly where you are and that you simultaneously want to change.

In order to get to a place where you're not bingeing all the time, you need to accept that you are bingeing.

While you want to stop bingeing, and you want to feel like you have choice over what you're eating, the way to do that is not to restrict.

It's to accept that you're bingeing, and then to simultaneously hold the commitment to not binge.

Now you might be saying "how can I accept something and also commit to not doing it? That is totally paradoxical."

Bing ding ding. You are right, it is an incredible paradox.

Something that I have learned is that in order to learn how to live in the gray, we have to learn how to be at peace with paradoxes of life. They are all around us all the the time.

While they might seem mutually exclusive and they can't happen simultaneously, it's the only way it's going to  happen.

The only way you're gonna stop bingeing is to accept that you are, and to commit that you don't want to.

You might feel like acceptance is just letting it all go and surrendering. I want to tell you differently. It's the key component to getting to that place where you stop.

There are so many other paradoxes that exist throughout your life.

Instead of being driven crazy by the paradoxes and trying to put them either in the good or bad camp, that you can remember the gray and instead choose to be at peace in the paradox.

TinyActionTV Episode #24: Powerful Commitment Hack

Let me guess.  You have a confusing relationship with commitment because you've tried so hard in the past to commit to this diet and to that diet, and you've ended up failing at all of them. 

You feel like a failure, and that nothing's going to work for you, so why commit at all?

I understand. You are not alone. I used to struggle with that myself.

I want to reframe commitment. Don’t commit to a diet. Don’t commit to a new way of eating.

Commit to yourself and to the life that you want to be living.

Commit to learning what you need to learn in order to get over the food crazies and start to have a relationship with food and with your body that feels easeful.

It might sound impossible, but I promise it is possible with the right teachings and with the right mindset.

Commit to the journey.  Commit to the life-long journey that it is to live in a body.  Commit to the life-long journey that it is to understand how to eat in a way that leaves you feeling at ease instead of out of control.

I guarantee it, in this commitment, you will stumble along the way, you will fall, you will trip up, and that that is all part of it. That is where you get to learn how to grow and change even more.

Today for your tiny action, I want you to understand what it is that you want your life to be like in that life-long journey.

Not about what size you want to be or what food you want to eat, or any of those things.  But what you want to experience on the life-long journey of living the way you want to live.

Commit to it, and then realize that all you have to do is take just the next step. 

You're not trying to get to the end of the journey, you're just trying to keep taking your next step and your next one and your next one along the path.

 Commit to the journey.

TinyActionTV Episode #23: What Are You Actually Hungry For?

All the time I talk to people who go to food for that moment of instant gratification even though they're actually trying to fill up a deeper hunger inside themselves.

They try to fill that deeper hunger with food but it never works, and it actually ends up making them feel worse.

Can you relate?

What I want to offer today for your tiny action is to ask yourself the question: What actually fills you up?

What is it that is that deep hunger in your soul, in your mind, and in your heart that you want to fulfill? What's that big dream?

What's that way of connecting to others, what's that way of being in this world that would actually fill you up in a much more gratifying way than that food ever could?

I hope that asking yourself this question will start to give you a step forward towards that deeply fulfilling life.

And remember, we're all about Tiny Actions in the Food Freedom world.  .

Even though it might be a big dream, just think about one small way that you could bring a tiny bit more of that kind of experience into your life today.

Build onto that tiny action over time, to create the truly fulfilling life of your dreams.  

Each tiny action you take to satisfy these deeper hungers will help you

TinyActionTV Episode #22: Most Powerful Tool to Stop a Binge in Its Tracks

Are you ready for one of the most powerful teachings I have ever found?

Emotions only last 90 seconds.  You heard me right. 

There is actually a neurological surge of chemicals that courses through your body when you have an intense emotional trigger and reaction.

That surge of chemicals passes within 90 seconds.

If you are still experiencing the emotion after 90 seconds, it's because you're attaching your thoughts to that initial experience of the emotion, and you're extending it with your thought patterns.

Your tiny action for today is to take that moment when you have an intense emotional trigger, and remove yourself from the situation and breathe.

Breathe and try to focus all of your mental energy that you can on the sensation in your body.  Feel the physical sensations of that surge of chemicals moving through your body.  Name out loud the sensations you are feeling as they change.  

If you can focus on the sensation of the emotion, instead of on the emotional story, then you can experience that your emotions only last 90 seconds.  

When you get good at this, you can keep yourself from going deep into a binge whenever you experience emotional upset. Instead you can feel what you are feeling, and let it move through and not eat about it.  

This has changed my life and so many others’ lives, as well.  I hope it deeply impacts yours.

Your emotions only last 90 seconds. Talk about freedom.

Want more support? Join nearly a thousand other folks in the Find Food Freedom - Beat Binge Eating Facebook group by clicking here. https://www.facebook.com/groups/findfoodfreedom/

TinyActionTV Episode #21: One Powerful Tool to Get Off the Hamster Wheel of Racing Thoughts

Do you feel like you're living your life on a hamster wheel of your thoughts and you're constantly thinking about what happened in the past and feeling bad about it, or worrying about what's gonna happen in the future and you're just on the hamster wheel of your thoughts?

You are so not alone. Basically, everyone who I support who's struggling with out-of-control eating issues have this kind of relationship with their thought patterns where their whole life is happening inside their head.

The way to get out of the out-of-control eating patterns and to get out of your head is to focus on the sensation in your body.

Focus on your five senses.

The next time you notice yourself racing on the hamster wheel, what I want you to do is to take a moment and to focus all of the mental energy that you can, that would normally be racing, and to focus it in on what you can feel inside your body right now.

Find a physical sensation to focus on.

Maybe it's your ribcage expanding. Maybe it's how your weight feels pressing down against the ground. Maybe it's the hair on the back of your neck rubbing slightly.

Whatever it is, just focus your mind on that sensation and take a couple of deep breaths.  In the moment when you are about to eat in a way that feels out of control, take a moment and focus on sensation. 

With time, this practice can add up to getting you out of your mind into your body, and into a place where you're actually able to make the choices that you want for your life, for your health, and for your sanity. 

Focus on sensation!

Want more support? Join nearly a thousand other folks in the Find Food Freedom - Beat Binge Eating Facebook group by clicking here. https://www.facebook.com/groups/findfoodfreedom/

TinyActionTV Episode #20: One Powerful Question to Help You Drop Binge Eating

If you've been around TinyActionTV for a while, then you know one of my favorite things to say is, "you are never in control but you are always in choice."

How many times have you said, "if only I could just control my eating, then everything would be okay?"

But it's that trying to control that ends up backfiring that has you eating all the chips in the store.

So, that is why developing your capacity to be in choice is one of the key aspects to getting through out of control eating patterns. 

I have a whole big framework ofEmpowered Choice that I like to teach, but today I'm gonna offer you just a tiny and powerful part.

Value-driven choices. Make choices that are driven from your values.

 

Ask yourself the powerful questions about your values. How do you want to feel? What do you really care about?

Make your food choices informed by these answers. 

For example: I choose to honor my value of pleasure, and to revel in eating this piece of cheesecake.

Or, I choose to value my honor of health, and choosing a food that I know is going to give me sustained energy and feel good in my body.

When you can harness your values, it can make it much more easy to make choices, instead of trying to control what you're eating and having it back fire on you. .

So for your tiny action today, I want you to ask yourself this question: What value do I want to honor with this food choice?

Empower your choice.

TinyActionTV Episode #19: One Essential Mindset Shift to Stop Out-of-Control Eating

When you're really struggling, getting through it and into a balanced, healthy place can feel insurmountable.  I completely understand.

When I was struggling with my crazy, out of control eating patterns, which let me tell you, were super crazy.

In the course of one day I would go from restricting, heavy restricting dieting, to out of control binging and ultimately purging, too. It was excruciating.

There was a part of me that thought, “This can never change. There is no way that I can ever get through this."

Something happened to me one day which shifted my perspective.  I came to the recognition that I was going to commit to the journey and to keep taking the next step, with the recognition that this wasn't something that I was gonna fix all at once.

It wasn't going to be this magical moment where I now eat heathfully with ease and I feel totally relaxed around food. That kind of epiphany wasn't gonna be the thing that got me there.

But what was, was continuing to take just the next step.

I sought support, I found a therapist. She was nice, she didn't really have tools for me. I found a nutritionist. He led me further down the path to disordered eating.

But I didn't let any of those steps foil me and not continue forward with my commitment to find this food freedom thing for myself.

As I kept taking steps, momentum kept building.

One of the most important things about a step is that it's small.

If you've been hanging out for a while, you know that this is TinyActionTV and I am all about those tiny actions, those very small behavioral changes that you can start to make to keep walking along that path to Food Freedom.

So my Tiny Action for you today is just feel into what is that next small action that you can take to get you further along your path, with the recognition that there is going to be boulders right in front of you, you're gonna have to walk around them.

Things aren't gonna go perfectly. And you aren't going to be able to execute everything that you want and get it all done now.

Today’s coloring book page is a beautiful one.  Printing it out and coloring it in could be your Next Step in your food freedom journey. 

If not that, then think about focusing on meeting your core physical needs: drinking one glass of water, go to sleep 5 minutes earlier, roll out your yoga mat and stand on it.  

Just take that next step.  And feel the momentum build. 

TinyActionTV #18: How to Not Eat All the Little Debbie’s in One Sitting

Have you ever had that experience where you all of a sudden drop all of your good intention and your choices for health and longevity just disappear, and you end up going to the store, buying the box of Little Debbies and eating all of them?

It's like a little kid took you over, right?

This is so common with folks struggling with out-of-control eating. There is some part of them-- a younger part-- that's calling the shots.

This doesn't even necessarily have to do with old childhood trauma, or anything like that, but it's just a maturity thing.

The part of us that understands long-term perspective drops away, and all we can see is right here, right now.

I want the satisfaction. I want the taste. I want the experience. I want to not have to think about all the things that my adult self has to think about. So let me just eat the Little Debbies.

 

What I want to offer instead is a teaching from Marc David at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. If you don't know their work, I highly suggest you check them out. They have a great podcast.

Marc talks a lot about how part of the process of coming into food freedom is to come into a greater state of maturity— to come into a place where you are able to have that long-term perspective, and make decisions that are in alignment with it. 

He likes to call it, “stepping into your queen," or “stepping into your king.” Accessing that regal, powerful, grounded place inside of ourselves that has the capacity to take care of the whole land.

What would it be to step into your queen or your king?

Today for your Tiny Action, I want to give you that question: "What would my queen do?" or "What would my king do?"

Then allow that Queen to take a pause from the little kid running to the store to get a little bit of satisfaction and take that long-term perspective and step into your maturity.

Really inhabit your Queenliness or Kingliness and make a choice from that place. 

Step into your Queen! Step into your King!